At a friend’s house
At your friend’s house the rules and the food are quite different from yours.
What do you do?
Step 1: What Would You Do?
There is often more than one good answer. Pick one and see what happens.
After the holidays
Everybody is talking about what they got and where they went. One person in the group has gone quiet.
What do you do?
Step 2: What That Was
The name for what you just worked out.
Families are different in all sorts of ways. Who lives in the house, what they eat, what they celebrate, what languages they speak, how much money there is.
Everybody thinks theirs is normal
Whatever happens in your house feels like the ordinary way. Everybody feels that about their own.
Ask, do not assume
"What do you do at yours?" is a good question. "That is weird" is not.
Money is the awkward one
Some families have much more than others. Talking about what you have got is one of the fastest ways to make somebody feel bad.
Step 3: Quick Check
Two questions, then you are done.
Question 1 of 1
A friend does something differently at home. What is a good response?
Step 4: Your Life Mission
Something to do away from the screen. Nobody is checking.
Ask a good question
- Find out one thing another family does differently.
- Ask what it is like, not why it is like that.
- Notice if you assumed anything before you asked.
Why: "What is it like?" gets a story. "Why do you do that?" gets a defense.
Step 5: What You Learned
- Families vary in almost every way.
- Everybody thinks their own is the normal one.
- Ask what it is like rather than saying it is strange.
For the grown-up
This lands best through curiosity rather than a lesson about tolerance. Children are naturally interested in how other houses work if nobody has taught them to rank the answers.
The money point is the one children handle worst and adults address least. Casual talk about holidays and possessions is a common source of quiet exclusion in a classroom.
How adults describe other families in front of children — the ones with different arrangements, different food, less money — is copied almost exactly.